i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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