So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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