shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
