i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
FUCK WHALES
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