You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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