I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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