we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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