I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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