Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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