"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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