Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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