Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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