discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone came in the potted fern
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
