I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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