I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
