My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
