Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I color on your dick again?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
