i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
