some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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