I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
