my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
