how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
