Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
