shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
