hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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