I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
