what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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