Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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