So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
