i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
