I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
