I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
