I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
