just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
