you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
