4 words: hood of his car
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
