I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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