Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
whose parrot is this?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
