Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
