Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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