I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
