I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
