Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
