Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
