I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
