My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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