He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
