yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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