I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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