This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
