You don't have asthma, your pregnant
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
